a month later...

Shawty is almost a month old and i tell you the truth, i don't know how i managed. With a max of three hours of sleep now, it has become easier. I now longer feel like messing ish up, you know. We are learning each other. It is almost magical. Alright, enough of the snappy crap. But last note, i'm so proud to be his mother, in the words of TI, you don't know. *snicker* Now on to baby daddy. now this mf...excuse my language... for i have tried to remain positive. Now we aren't together... my decision.... he is a nut who is moody and loves none other to pawn off responsibility... hint, hint. So when i decided to do me... cause i love doing me... his words were, i would have for you have to do it by yourself. i said, well ish, i won't if you be there for the baby. Now, judging by how this post is going so far, do you think he has held up his end of the Bergen? F no! In the month that Shawty has graced us, he has changed ONE pamper... one mf diaper. He hasn't spent one night with Shawty. Now i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for he never had his father in his life so, perhaps, he doesn't know what a father is. But in my quest in being hella patient and informative dude just refuse to play that part. i'm like look... this is hard enough... when he does come over, he holds and coos with Shawty for hours. Drop off some money and scurry. and then calls and ask how we are doing. mother fer, we are fine. be even better if you stop calling when i'm in the middle of bathing him, feeding him or doing something a responsible, loving, caring parent would do. and then when i cut him short, he tells me to call him back. nicca, for what? i'm taking care of my baby, i don't have time to bull ish with you on the phone. if you want to know how he is doing, come by and see. i fixed his ass... he was at the club, again... and shawty was bawling for whatever reason... three o'clock in the morning... So, i called him and let Shawty wail on the phone. He didn't answer but it went to voice mail. I left him a voicemail with the baby screaming his head off. He calls the following day asking why i call him three oclock in the morning... mother fer, the baby was crying so i thought you should share in the downs that comes with having a baby and hung up. nicca, don't ever try to flex on me. EVER!

I just told him that i will be moving out of state in three years. He had the nerve to tell me, nah, you can't do that. i said, nicca please. here he comes telling me i need his permission to take Shawty out of state. I said, well... take me to court, nicca take me to court. I will pull your card. how many times have you seen him? what duties have you acquired since Shawty has been born? What can you provide that I haven't already have been since Shawty been born? I have tried. I want so badly for Shawty to have his father in his life but at whos expense? A father who comes to see him whenever his work schedule, club schedule, sleep schedule permits? A father who promises to come over but never shows. A father who, for his own selfish reasons, won't allow his child to experience a better life? I don't want him to ever think that he is not wanted or not more important than the club or work or sleep... NEVER THAT. I don't ever want my child to ask where his father is and my response will have to be, 'At the club' I will be damned.... over my dead body. Take me to court, i will gladly oblige. I have nothing to hide. So that is that on the father scope.

On other fronts, i'm good. tired... looking well for a person who pushed out an eight pounda...holla! I will update soon. like Sophia said in the Color Purple, 'That's my own baby crying' My shawty is hungry. Thank you all for the Congrats. I felt the sincerity in each one. you are all so wonderful! Ciao, bellas...muah!