Thank you all for the happy birthday wishes. Thank you individually, Z (Xquizzyt1, for you all who didn't know...i just made that up, play along) MsThing (P.I.C.), the Kid, Mrs. Pearson (dang it, i'm lazy... i'm pregnant... i'mma milk this until i can not) and Rhapsodi… I had a great one! I had a splendid evening and I felt so appreciative of life all at once. It wasn’t just the phone calls, text messages or emails, but it was more so that just this time ten years ago, I was going through… through it all… just trying to find myself and be understood and understand others. It was a process because I didn’t understand that that shit wasn’t near vital to anything… not to whom I was, who I loved and what it all mattered. I just wanted to be accepted and liked. But, at this juncture in my life, I can tell anybody kiss my ass and never look back because believe me, I told you to kiss my ass, you weren’t much of anything to shed a second thought over anyway. But it also would take a lot to get me to that point that I would be willing to tell anybody I have developed some type of kinship with to kiss my ass and not look back. I once was hot-tempered… spit fiyah, a fighter…. I was highly emotional; I mean I incorporated every extreme of emotions in my daily life. if I wasn’t extremely happy, mad or sad in one day, something was off. Today, I think I’m pretty leveled. I’m still working on me though, but the different is, I’m not working on me for others, but working on me for me. Holla, got damnit!

So yesterday the city was under siege of torrential downpour. Oh my Lord. My usual 40 min commute was converted into 2hrs and 23 mins. The trains were brought to a standstill because of flooding on the tracks. And then you have the inapt pa system that was blaring from not only the trains themselves but also from platform management…. Not only blaring but blaring incorrect information. Had my black ass running up and down steps like I was getting paid to do that shit. Shawty was through… kicking and moving… because of over stimuli…. with the bouncing, the noise and me overheating I know Shawty was just as weary. I was so tired and frustrated and soaked… I really want to just squat Indian style in the middle of 34th street and cry it was just that overwhelming. Not to mention, I woke up late and had to rush after having a bad dream about a kangaroo chasing me for what seemed to be all night. I just couldn’t get away from this damn kangaroo. Somebody, please tell me what the hell that means?!! Anyway, this is how my 28th birthday started off.. shitty!
Let me tell you how God is mysterious. I have been fretting over childcare for shawty for when (if?) I go back to work. Like who can I trust and will I be able to afford. I was looking for a daycare center because I have no family members in the area who does not work or anyone who I know just had a child and have already obtained a trustworthy (so we all hope) caregiver. But I did know of centers … ones I couldn’t afford. Or could afford but I wouldn’t dare because it is highway robbery. One of them wanted $19,000 a year. I said cot damn. That is almost the cost of my college education for a year except that included books, room, board and health insurance. Now tell me, how am I to milk at $19,000 investment in a 4 month old baby? One that can not walk talk or shit on its own?!! I felt disrespected when that lady told me the tuition. So I said well this should be the high end of the going rate. So the low end has to be around $10,000. I’m not paying this.. I refuse. The cheapest I have found is for a home daycare for about $ 800 for weekdays. Now, being that my mom is off on wed and baddy is off on Thursday, that only leaves 3 days for day care services so that should run us …let’s see…. 800/20=$40 a day * 3 =120 * 4 =480. (Mathematics is orgasmic…mathematics and I can really get something going). Now, 480 a month, I can deal. That is a bargain to me. Only thing is, I don’t know this lady… she might try to kidnap my baby and I will have to kill her and there will be a big trial that will last for years and it will have rallies demanding my release, I wouldn’t see shawty until he is five and then by that time, baddy would probably have erased all memories of me because he is, after all, a bastid. Okay, all else is possible but baddy isn’t a bastid,… or is he? Hummm…jokes!!! So walking to work today, this lady that has been my mom’s friend for the longest has opened up her daycare service. She has babysat my sister’s kids before they turn of age but she had refuse infants because the daycare center in which she worked didn’t have the staff to infant ratio. She asked me if I had any plans for the baby and I said, none yet. She said well, you know I have my own service now. If I see you or your mom, I will give you the info you need. This doesn’t guarantee anything but, whew yall! For real..! the location is perfect if this does come into fruition. This means I won’t have to purchase a car until I move from my mother which could also mean I can get one new instead of used or…or …. I can purchase property and still buy a used car. *slow motion for me, slow motion for me, move it slow motion for me* So if this truly does work out…. I have known the lady for years, respect her and if anything happens, I don’t think many people would miss her if she never returned from her trip to the market. *wink * God is a good God.