the champ is here!

Okay, read this article. Omg this mf actually takes care of his child. What has the world come to when a person *gasp* behaves in a responsible manner?!! This article is enough to make you wanna slap everybody in arms distance…. A long read, it is, but it is worth it. The author is really tugging for the reader to actually believe that this guy here deserves a big pat on his shoulder,…. a real hoorah. I can not, with all the greatness in me, and that of black people accept this bare minimal. I can’t allow anyone to think that good enough is our finishing line with the belief that the status quo is what we strive for.

I don’t get it… I really don’t. I don’t know if I’m supposing to or not or if it is even possible. There isn’t a discussion or even room for one when it comes to my responsibility to raise Shawty. There is one certainty; I will raise Shawty,….come hell or high water. There is no doubt, there is no reservation… Shawty will be raised by me, if me alone. I will do my best, with God standing firmly by my side and my love of Baby (which, if you haven’t gathered already, is unbending, dogmatic and resounding) as my foundation.

My lovely father, yes, the one and only, claims he wants to be in the delivery room when I give birth… simple answer: hell no! I don’t want anybody in there except for me and the doctor and maybe a nurse or two. What the fuck you wanna be there for? As I recalled, you didn’t even want a daughter when I was born, mf. Leave me alone! He really wants me to spaz the hell out.

Anyway, I’m miserable. I’m so uncomfortable and tired and worn and moody. I’m ready to deliver and I still have three months to go. How bad can it really get?
Babydaddy is all up in my grill. I’m trying to be tolerant but for some reason that is being misconstrued as ‘come hither’… I’m like, no. No thanks, that is quite alright. Peace I’m good…. lol!! I just want him to be an attentive father, patient and available. That is all… nothing more. This wasn’t planned; we didn’t have an agenda in set, roll, play mode. We were just in the moment and God said, here… since you two wanna act like you are married, let me bless you, pretend husband and wife, with a child. And I said, gladly and babydaddy said oh, shi! baddy (babydaddy) is still saying oh shi! while I have accepted that fate handed to me like a champ (the champ is here!) my going to the club, drinking and hanging out, chilling in smoked-filled bars ended when the doctor confirmed my pending motherhood. There wasn’t a grace period for me to chill and think about it and get that oochie wally out of my system, or for me to wean myself off of the vodka. I said; God, this is a blessing… I know it as nothing, absolutely nothing else and I promise you as you have allowed this baby come to me, I would perform my maternal duties as best as I possibly can. And even though I crave for coffee like a caffeine fien and I would love to 'get lo'' at the club and my goodness, how I would love to spend my savings on a seven-day vaca in the Caymans, that shit isn’t an option. I really think baddy is trying to get it together, I really believe so. And how sad that it is too late. Right now, all he can be to me is present and for his child, visible. I think he just wants to be there and pretend to be a family. I don’t fake shit… I’m straightforward. And I damn sure have no desire to present falsehoods before my child. The only way I can provide for him in a nurturing, emotionally-healthy state is for me to be at the very least, to be the same, emotionally healthy.

I was taking notice of the younger generations just to tweak my mommy-ism. Teenagers. What the hell has taken over them? Now, I live in New Jersey but I stay with my mom a few days out of the week in the Bronx because if I need anything, she is there, you know… JIC. I don’t know if it is the demographic (I do know, just humor me) or what the hell seems to be the problem, issue, matter but these knuckleheads have lost their minds. Just a lack of respect for others… these kids do no care about anyone but themselves and I might even question that. They virtually have sex on the middle of the sidewalk. Leave plates and coffee mugs in the vestibule of my mom’s building and apparently they are gang members because they have their gang -colored do-rags tied to the trees outside. They are outside, holding down the sidewalk from 8am to 2am. They do no attend school, in fact, I heard one of them saying that he is ‘tired’ and that is why he prefers to waste his life away chilling like a dummy on a bucket instead of education. Now, I do not know where the parents are… I know half of them do not live around there so I’m guessing there isn’t a stable home for them to even call on. But I do believe someone is feeding them, clothing them and housing them. I fail to understand how a 15 – 16 year-old can just stroll up in their momma’s, grandmomma’s, whomever’s home all times of night, without a job or a hobby or a volunteer cause to report about and expect to be clothe fed and housed. Like, how does this system works? Now, I can’t say what I will or will not being doing 15-16 yrs from now, but as I stand here before you today, I can say there is no way a 15,16,17,18 whatever age you are, living in my house, eating my food, breathing my air, using up my electricity that you are going to stroll up in my house whatever time you feel like it is appropriate. My household doesn’t get down like that. And if you do not appreciate and abide by my rules, you can pack up whatever trinkets you have bought with your own money and leave. This isn’t hotel 6. But, you see, I won’t have that problem…. My child is going to be as problem-free as me :). I gave my mom nothing to worry about. All of that said above will be used as a scare tactic. My child will have no reason to fear me, but he will fear my wrath. *Wink*

Also, a nothing thing I have noticed…. Parents dressing their kids up as little men and women. My bff informed me last night that J.Lo has little pants for nine, ten year olds with the thong strings sewn into then so that they peak out just from above the waste line. She also has little halter-tops for toddlers. I’m like what? What sex appeal does a child under 14 needs to display? Ain’t shit cute about that. In fact, it is pretty scary. I am asking God for three things to prepare me for parenthood: patience, understanding and a whole heap of love because as talib kweli says ‘They need somethin to rely on, we get high on all types of drug, when, all you really need is love.' godspeed

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*Praying for Sheron and her family*